so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
