It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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