Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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