lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
