Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
