so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
