it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
