Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
