Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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