OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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