when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
