Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
