Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
