dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
