this beer tastes like vomit already
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
