i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I enjoy the company of your penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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