TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
