wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
