I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
not ubering you a puppy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
