Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
