i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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