I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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