Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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