I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
