So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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