So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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