oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
