I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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