just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
