What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We talked him into tasing himself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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