I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
