I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
