dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
