dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
