They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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