im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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