Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
