After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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