You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
