I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize