and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I would fuck him just for his dog
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
