this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
