Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
