dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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