Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
