I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
