I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
