I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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