My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
