they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
