he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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