I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
