so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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