i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
