the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
