I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
