I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Your dad touched me again.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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