new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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