Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
