I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
