I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Randomize
