You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's blow job season.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
