Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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