Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize