stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
