Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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