Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
