I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
