Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
